When Compliments Reinforce Disordered Thinking: An Eating Disorder Therapist in NJ Discusses Body Image and Athletic Identity
How many times have you heard a compliment focused on your appearance? For the most part, it is with good intentions that someone expresses excitement towards your body in the form of, “You look so fit!” or “You’ve lost weight, you look amazing!”. However, these comments can trigger harmful thought patterns in athletes.
Despite appearance-based compliments being well-intended, they can reinforce disordered beliefs about body image and self-worth. As an eating disorder therapist in NJ who specializes in working with athletes, I want to talk about how compliments can impact the mind of an athlete in regards to body image, athlete identity, and disordered eating.
Understanding Athletic Identity
Athletic Identity is how an individual identifies with their sport and their athletic role. How we identify is connected to self-worth. Sometimes, as an athlete, having such as strong athletic identity can be at the expense of other aspects of identity because it feels so incredibly important to how we see ourselves. The pressure to maintain a certain appearance that you may feel “fits” your sport often comes from hearing external validation of round bodies.
The Dark Side of “Positive” Comments About Bodies
When you hear a compliment such as, “You look lean!” this can unintentionally lead to fears of their body becoming “not lean enough”. These compliments may increase a fixation on size, shape, weight, or appearance. Praise around bodies may lead to athletes feeling encouraged to continue or escalate restrictive behaviors. Another example that arises can be, “You’re so disciplined!”, which may lead to fears of what the person would think if they took a rest day. Would the person then think I don’t push myself or try hard enough?
How Compliments Can Strengthen Disordered Thinking
Appearance-based compliments reinforce the myths around thin-ideals being linked to performance. In reality, a strong and nourished body ultimately leads to peak performance for each individual. However, athletes begin to believe that thinness or leanness equals success. These types of compliments also lead to self-esteem being reliant on external validation.
Athletic Specific Risks
Sports cultures normalize disordered behaviors. As discussed in a previous article, there are many myths about bodies within team cultures. These myths can stem from language around food, weigh-ins, calorie counting, or performance pressures in relation to leanness. Social media praises the “grind culture” of athletics, adding another layer of pressure.
What to Say Instead: Reframing Compliments
Coming up with compliments outside of appearance can feel difficult because of how our culture perceives what a compliment looks like. Here are a few types of compliments to focus on and examples of each.
Focus on intrinsic traits. Think about who the person is and what they have been working on. Focus on a value that they care about, such as, “You have been working really hard on your recovery lately,” or “You are doing so well at talking to each teammate after competitions.”
Praise non-appearance attributes. This can be anything from leadership, adaptability, or mindset. This may look like, “Your leadership skills have been so amazing as you lead the pre-race warmups.”
Validate the whole person, not just the athlete. Here you can highlight growth in other areas of their life. For example, “You have been so dedicated to your school work lately,” or “You are so kind and caring to your sister.”
Practice neutral observation. This can be something as simple as, “It was great talking to you!” or It is so good to see you again.”
Guidance for Coaches, Parents, and Teammates
Be aware of your own language and biases. We all have them because we grew up in a world full of diet culture. Being aware of how you show up and the biases you have is the first place to start.
Avoid using body or weight-focused language, especially in relation to performance.
Work to foster an environment that values mental health. The more comfortable we are talking about mental health, the less shame we feel when disordered thoughts come up, and the more likely we are to seek support.
That leads to the last point, creating a safe space for open dialogue.
How Eating Disorder Therapy in NJ Can Help
Like I said above, we all have our own biases. Addressing your own cognitive distortions that were reinforced by external praise is first. Learning to move through your sport without judgment of body shapes and sizes takes practice. Unpack how your own identity is enmeshed with performance and body image. Eating disorder therapy can help develop a healthier self-esteem that is grounded in your own internal values, instead of external praise.
Conclusion from a Reliable Eating Disorder Therapist in NJ
Compliments are tricky. A well-intentioned compliment can do harm when it reinforces disordered thinking in athletes. I want to encourage all to have mindful conversations around compliments and work to shift towards identity-affirming comments. If you are struggling with only feeling good in your body when getting external validation, seek support. At Serendipity Counseling Services, help is available to connect you with your internal worth, based on your own values.
Redefine Your Relationship with Your Body and Sport
If praise for your appearance or performance has ever made recovery feel more complicated, you’re not alone. For many athletes, body image and identity become tightly linked, making it hard to separate self-worth from size, shape, or achievement. Working with an eating disorder therapist in NJ can help you untangle these connections and build a healthier, more sustainable relationship with both your body and your sport.
Here’s how to get started with Serendipity Counseling Services:
Schedule a free 15-minute consultation to share your experience and see how therapy could support your recovery.
Book your first eating disorder therapy session and begin exploring the thoughts, habits, and pressures that keep you stuck.
Start reclaiming your identity beyond appearance, beyond performance, and on your own terms.
Your body is more than a measure of worth. Let’s work together to help you believe that.
Additional Services at Serendipity Counseling in Cherry Hill, NJ
Along with eating disorder therapy for athletes, I provide specialized support for runners and speak out against diet culture in sports through informative speaking engagements.
I also host a virtual Retired Athlete Support Group—a safe, welcoming space for former athletes to process life transitions and reconnect with their identity beyond performance.
For families, I offer family-based therapy to improve communication, build empathy, and create a strong foundation for lasting recovery.
About the Author: Dedicated Eating Disorder Therapist in New Jersey
Kate Ringwood, LPC, is a licensed therapist and founder of Serendipity Counseling Services, where she focuses on supporting athletes in Cherry Hill, NJ, through eating disorder recovery. As a former competitive runner, Kate brings personal insight into the ways performance, body image, and food can become intertwined in sports culture.
Her work combines evidence-based interventions with genuine compassion, creating a safe, affirming environment for clients to heal and restore trust in their bodies. Outside the therapy room, Kate is a strong advocate for mental health, sharing her expertise on podcasts and at speaking events to challenge harmful narratives and promote healthier conversations around athletics and well-being.
