The Role of Shame in Eating Disorders in Athletes
Many people think disordered eating is about food, weight or willpower. In reality, the center emotion that sits with most is shame. Shame keeps the cycle hidden, secretive and stuck. Here we go through what shame is, how it fuels disordered eating and how eating disorder therapy can help.
What Is Shame? (And Why It Feels So Powerful)
Shame targets identity. Shame tells us "I am bad" because we did something against our values. It can feel physically intense as if we are in a state of threat. It feels like an intense painful disgust with oneself. Everyone experiences shame, however, nobody wants it. Shame thrives in secrecy and isolation. This is how it keeps us stuck in patterns. Shame leads us to feel alone and unworthy, isolating us further from others, which leaves us feeling even more alone.
How Shame Fuels Eating Disorders
Let's get into an example. Say Amy sees a picture of herself, sending her into thoughts of shame and disgust around her body. This leads her to restrict during her next meal, leaving her feeling temporary relief. However, this does not last and soon the shame comes spiraling back as hunger sets in sooner than she would have liked. The same cycle now continues.
How Shame Shows Up in Different Eating Patterns
There are many different types of eating patterns than can contribute to the shame cycle. So let's break them down.
Shame and Binge Eating
Binge eating can occur in binge eating disorder, bulimia nervosa, and other unspecified eating disorders. Binge eating is eating in secret with feelings of being out of control. It is the "last supper" mentality and leads to a post-binge shame spiral of how much was eating. This can lead to things like eating in secret, hiding food, or avoiding public events with food. As you can see, it leads to things that isolate someone more, increasing the shame spiral.
Shame and Restriction
Shame and restriction shows up a bit differently. Restriction is not something just found in anorexia nervosa. It occurs in most eating disorders and brings feelings of not being disciplined enough of or others noticing or judging your eating patterns may arise. There is often pride tied to hunger or control. Therefore when hunger does show up, feelings of shame can occur.
Shame and Emotional Eating
Emotional eating is a tough behavior for many, even without an eating disorder. Emotional eating in itself is not a bad thing. Food has emotions connected to it in many positive ways. However, when it is the only coping skill in your tool belt, it can become problematic. Shame shows up around emotional eating due to feeling like a "weakness". The need to control your behavior and not use food as a coping skill is often seem as unacceptable, leaving feelings of shame.
Why High Achievers and Athletes Experience More Shame
Let's be real. Most athletes are high achievers, perfectionists, and have high expectations for themselves. It leads to hard working, amazing athletes, but it also is the perfect fuel for eating disorders. Sports culture emphasizes not being "weak", pushing through pain, and often takes up so much space physically and mentally, that identity becomes tied to performance. In a culture where needing help feels weak, athletes feel shame if they are struggling with mental health.
Messages About Food and Bodies
As I mentioned before, shame stems from values. Values around food and bodies, however, come from our culture around us. When we receive certain messages about food being "bad" and then we eat that food, we feel bad aka shame. Comments around weight goes the same way. If we receive messages growing up that being in a larger body is "bad", and yet we view ourselves as larger, than we feel shame. Whether these messages come from family members, social media, or diet culture it hurts. Going through the healing process of changing our beliefs and values around food and bodies is part of eating disorder recovery.
Shame Thrives in Secrecy
Shame leads us to want to hide our behaviors that we feel shame around. Eating disorder treatment is about working through this shame and bringing it out into the open. Shame thrives in secrecy. It leads us to feel more isolated and alone. Shame activates our threat response, putting us into fight or flight mode. This leads to impulse, quick coping mechanisms that can be disordered, keeping us in the shame cycle. It makes behavior change incredibly difficult! You can't shame yourself into better behavior.
How Healing From Shame Supports Eating Disorder Recovery
Self-Compassion plays a big role in eating disorder recovery. The simple way to put this is, talk to yourself as if you are talking to a friend. This is much easier said than done, though and takes practice. Remember, shame thrives in secrecy. So the opposite of shame is vulnerability. Name the shame for what it is and work on normalizing the experience. Here are a few tips to help you get started in breaking the shame cycle:
Stop moralizing food language
Share your struggles with someone safe
Practice neutral self-talk
Eat consistently
Notice shame triggers
Limit comparison triggers
An eating disorder therapist can help you practice replacing judgement with curiosity. These are all very difficult, but learned skills. You do not need to go through the healing process alone. Eating disorder treatment usually consists of nutritional counseling and mental health support.
How Eating Disorder Therapy Helps Reduce Shame
Eating disorder therapy is the definition of vulnerability. It is scary because you are talking about things that bring shame. However, as we just learned, vulnerability beats shame! Talking openly about your eating patterns and body image struggles with an eating disorder therapist will help you challenge core beliefs and build emotional regulation.
When to Seek Support
If you are not sure when to seek help, but are feeling shame around food or your body, you deserve help. However, here are a few other signs to look out for:
Secret eating behaviors
Constant food guilt
Body image distress
Cycles of restriction/bingeing
Avoiding eating in public
Isolating from events with food
Conclusion: Shame Loses Power When It’s Spoken
Here are a few takeaways to bring with you into eating disorder recovery.
You are not broken.
Shame is learned and can be unlearned.
Healing is possible with support.
If you are looking for eating disorder therapy in NJ, check out Serendipity Counseling. We offer individual therapy for those going through eating disorder recovery. If you are not located in NJ, do not worry! We offer virtual therapy for those in NJ, PA, MD, VT, FL and AZ. Serendipity Counseling specializes in eating disorders in athletes in teens and adults of all ages.
About the Author: A Compassionate Eating Disorder Therapist
Kate Ringwood is an eating disorder therapist with a focus on treating eating disorders in athletes. Kate is located in New Jersey and offers in-person and virtual therapy across the state. She offers individual and family therapy to those going through the recovery process. Kate has a background in athletes with her own history of going through eating disorder recovery.
